When Parenting Feels Overwhelming: Our Journey to Intentional Parenthood

When Evie was a newborn and Axel was just two, I remember feeling like I was being slammed by a fire hose every single day. Life was overwhelming, and I remember sitting on the phone with my mom, crying, and telling her that I felt like I was drowning in motherhood. Caleb and I were far from family and everything we’d ever known. North Carolina was still new and unfamiliar, and we were navigating challenges that, at the time, felt enormous and unending.

Evie had been diagnosed with FATCO syndrome at birth—an utter shock to both Caleb and me. We were trying to grasp what that would mean for her future—and ours. At the same time, Axel was struggling with a significant speech delay, which we would later learn was Childhood Apraxia of Speech (CAS). I remember confiding in a friend, “Is it too much to ask for one kid without extra needs?” It feels harsh to say now, but at the time, it was an honest reflection of how I felt—overwhelmed, unsure, and scared of what the future might hold.

I didn’t know what to expect from Evie’s diagnosis or how to give Axel the support he needed. Motherhood felt like a storm I wasn’t equipped to weather. I was a walking ball of boiling-over anxiety, and it felt like I could explode at any moment. I used to lie awake at night, terrified that I would somehow mess this up. What if I did it wrong? What if I ended up raising broken kids who would grow into broken adults? These were real, raw questions I had. My main goal became simple: Do the best I can not to cause severe trauma.

Now, looking back, I wish I could go back and hug that stressed-out mama. The fact that I was even asking those questions meant I cared more than I realized. But at the time, all I could do was try to make sense of it all. So, in my attempt to calm the rising tide of constant anxiety, I did what I’ve always done when I’m overwhelmed—I sought knowledge.

A Deep Dive into Parenting Books

I started consuming parenting books by the armful. Caleb and I were still figuring out who we wanted to be as parents, what rules and values we wanted for our family, and how to break away from the patterns we had grown up with. I knew I didn’t want my kids to face some of the same challenges I did, but I didn’t know how to articulate what that looked like or how to get there.

In short, I didn’t know what I didn’t know—but I knew there was something, and I didn’t even know how to name it. (That’s a mouthful, I know, but if you read it a few times, I promise it makes sense.)

Looking back, Caleb and I were admittedly naive about how much unpacking we’d need to do from our own childhoods. We had to confront the gaps between what we had always been told and what we actually believed. From discipline to loyalty to what our family would look like when our kids were grown, everything was up for reevaluation.

Our biggest goal? Don’t screw up the kids. But also, raise them in a way that they’d want to be our friends when they’re adults. Just raise good humans.

Tackling this mindset shift wasn’t always easy, especially with strong opinions from others following us at every turn. But as challenging as it was, it also felt freeing. For the first time, I could see my childhood through a different lens. I began to realize that I could confidently say, “This is a hard no for us—and here’s why.”

The Book That Changed Everything

The first book I read was The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. I was hooked. Every night, I’d sit with Caleb and decompress everything I’d learned, rambling through my thoughts and ideas. Before long, he started reading it too. Soon, we were diving into other books—some that we loved and agreed with, and others that challenged us or just didn’t resonate.

It was a strange, almost cathartic process. As we learned about strategies for healthy relationships and the science behind how children’s brains work, I felt like something inside me was healing. I wasn’t quite ready to look at it head-on, but it was there—this realization that parenting wasn’t just about raising our kids. It was about unlearning certain things ourselves.

I joke now that these parenting books were basically self-help books for me. They helped Caleb and me realize that our parenthood story didn’t have to look like our parents’ story.

We could take the “chew-and-spit” approach—chew on what worked for us, and spit out what didn’t. It became clear that, at some point, I think most parents do this. They take what they loved from their childhood and leave what didn’t serve them. 

My grandmother used to talk about this. She had such a huge influence in my life, and she often reflected on how she was raised in a strict military household. Everything had to be “just so”—punctual, tidy, disciplined. There was an expectation of unquestioning respect and adherence to routine. It wasn’t a bad childhood, just structured in a way that shaped her deeply.

When she became a mother, she loosened the reins. Not out of resentment for how she was raised, but because she wanted something different for her own kids.

And now, here I was, doing the same thing—re-evaluating, choosing, shaping.

That realization made me feel lighter. I didn’t have to have all the answers. I just had to be willing to learn, to adjust, to be intentional. Parenting wasn’t about perfection—it was about conscious choice.

Finding Peace in the Chaos

That realization shifted everything. I started to see my experiences growing up in a new light—not with resentment but with understanding. It gave me the strength to make intentional choices for our family—to give our children the foundation of love, support, and curiosity we wanted for them.

Parenthood is messy and beautiful, overwhelming and empowering. Some days, it still feels like I’m standing on the receiving end of a fire hose, but now I have the tools to turn the pressure down, to breathe, and to find joy in the chaos.

If you’re in a season of overwhelm, I hope this reminds you that you’re not alone. You’re allowed to feel all the feelings—exhausted, unsure, even a little frustrated. But you’re also capable of growth, healing, and creating something beautiful for your family.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing up, learning, and doing the work.

My Favorite Parenting Books & Resources

Since I’ve shared my obsession with parenting books, I’m often asked which ones are my favorites. My kids are still young, so this may evolve over time, but here are my top five so far:

📚 The Whole-Brain Child – Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
📚 The Power of Showing Up – Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
📚 No-Drama Discipline – Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
📚 The 5 Love Languages of Children – Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell
📚 Raising Good Humans – Hunter Clarke-Fields

And while books are wonderful, I also love quick, digestible parenting advice from social media. Two of my favorite accounts are:

📌 @simplyonpurpose – Ralphie Jacobs (gentle parenting strategies that actually make sense)
📌 @drsiggie – Dr. Siggie Parenting (child behavior expert with practical, science-backed advice)

If you’re on this parenting journey too, I’d love to know—what’s helped you find your way through the chaos?